Saturday, August 11, 2007

Dear Internet

I know I haven't been the best in your life and I've made a lot of stupid mistakes; said a lot of stupid things, but I truly do care for you. I'm sorry when I got mad when things wouldn't download and I called you names like "slow," but, baby, I'm just messed up inside. You don't understand what I've been through, and you're the first good thing in my life. For the first time in my life I wanna do better, be better, and I don't want to mess that up. I didn't mean to hurt you baby, I really didn't, but sometimes I just feel so put upon and life winds me up so much I end up taking it out on the person closest to me because I feel close to you. I can open up to you.

When you left me, I thought my world was falling apart. I couldn't get in touch with people. It was maddening to catch glimpses of you at work, then have to dread coming home to a cold empty apartment you weren't in anymore. To hear all my friends talk about being able to connect to you, download things, watch videos. When a friend would say, "Hey, you should check out this Youtube video," I'd have to answer awkwardly how "I don't have internet right now." Huh, "right now." I didn't even want to think about the possibility of having to say "anymore."

When you said you'd be back on Saturday, I didn't want to get my hopes up. I'd been around the block. I knew something might change your mind. The service guy might have the wrong tools or is missing something and he'll answer sheepishly, "Sorry, I guess I'll have to come back." But I know. I know he's just covering for you. Lying to help us both save face in case you didn't want to come back to me.

Well, I'm just glad you did come back. I'm sorry I ignored the signs. I lost the letter telling me I needed to "change over" because our "wires were too old." I just thought you were playing mind games, using that crazy psychobabble that quack shrink has been filling your head with. I promise it'll get better. I promise I'll be better. I'll even go to the shrink with you. Just don't...don't ever leave me like that. It's been a long hard week, and I've done of lot of thinking. I...I love you, babe.



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