Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year Everyone

Do I have any resolutions. Nah, I haven't really done resolutions for a long time. I feel that if I'm not the type of person to change something about me throughout the year some arbitrary recognition of the passage of time surely won't make me do it. It might work for some, but just saying "Oh wow, now it's another year, maybe I really should start/stop doing this," isn't much of a motivating factor for me.

On the other hand, I don't know, I have New Year's wishes. How Korean of me, right? I don't know, it makes more sense to me than a resolution. Because basically that's what resolutions are anyways. Wishes. You wish you were thinner or you wish you were more organized so you couch it in this sort of self-help talk of resolving to change that about yourself. Sure more proactive I guess to say you're going to something, but I always felt the Korean way of watching the sun rise and making your wish was more...reflective I suppose. To sit there by yourself, or with friends and loved ones and to quietly watch the sun and go over what you wish for in the coming year you get to examine what kind of person you've been in the previous and what kind of person or things you want in the new year and in that moment you actually have the ability to meditate on what you are desiring.

If I get to see the sun rise this morning I'll be sure to make my wishes against the sun. So here's what I wish for.

I wish that in the coming year I can be the person who will be able to what is required of them and maybe something above and beyond that. What did I learn myself this past year. A whole lot and not that much at the same time I believe. But I did learn how ineffective it is to dwell on the past about anything. I also learned I'm a lot stronger than I assume myself to be, but I just rarely apply myself to not being a milquetoast pile of wishy-washiness. The real test is do I apply what I learned in 2008. So as the poet of war and love used to say, as rosy-fingered Dawn draws the curtains of the sky that for the most part my only wish is that I may not be a waste of space and resources on this earth, as I have felt many times in my life. May that feeling not ever creep up on me again. That the chances and opportunities given to me won't pass me by without appreciation and while I may not change the world at least I hope to find myself changed by i in ways that are good. My wish is simple and like the lyrics from the song "Utilities":

I just wish I were a toothbrush or a solder gun;
make me something somebody can use.
Guess our wishes don't do dishes or brake repairs;
make them something somebody can use.
Got more faults than the state of California,
and the heart is a badly built bridge.
Seems the most I have to offer doesn't offer much;
make it something somebody can use.
Make this something somebody can use."


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