Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Obligatory New York crazy subway encounter story

A.K.A. "Why do I even bother being nice to people?"

Saw Evil Dead: The Musical on Saturday and Sunday I went to go see "The Prestige" (both good stuff). Sadly, I was the row directly behind the Splatter Zone for Evil Dead and they surprisingly stayed only within that splatter zone. Thanks to being out and about I'm rewarded with some sniffling now.

Anyhow, on Sunday I was on the A train on my way to meet a friend when some a guy gets on and sits in the seat one over from me and sets down his nondescript fast food bag that smells of fries and has little grease stains on it on the seat between us. He then takes out the magazine he was holding and begins to read this. I didn't notice anything off or out of the ordinary about him

So about two or three stops after he gets on he jumps up and looks out the windows as if he's trying to figure out which stop it is. Then he starts making his way to the end of the car. I notice something out of the corner of my eye though and it's the brown paper bag.

Now let me explain two things a) If I had noticed this guy exuding any particular "crazy" vibes I would've left him the hell alone, b) also if this bag was empty in anyway or looked like it needed to be thrown away I would've left it alone, but no it had that neat little roll/fold closing it and looked like something was in it. Could've been poop or maybe some crack now that I look back on how the guy responded.

By now I notice the guy's at the far end and it looks like he's about to get out. I could've yelled out "Hey! You left something!" but I figured before he knew I was talking to him he would've been out the door. So after a split second of "Uhoh, what do I do now." I pick up the bag and jog over to him. I say "Excuse me, and he doesn't hear me so I tap him on the should and say "Excuse me," a bit louder.

He turns around so I hold up the bag and tell him, "You left this back there."

He says something but I can't hear him too well the first time around but then realize he's actually mad. "That's not mine, did you SEE me put that THERE?"

I answer, "Uh, yea, I actually did see you put it there."

So then he goes off all "Well why you have to run up on me like that? Huh? Back up!"

I say, "I'm just trying to do you a favor."

Now obviously crazy guy answers, "I don't need you to do nothing!"

At this point I decide either I can stand here and argue with some guy who is having some mental issues that a greasy, brown paper bag is his or I can just go back and sit down. I decide on the latter and just set the bag down anywhere. But no, the crazy don't stop there.

As I turn around the guy actually throws the bag at me. Well, not throw as in aimed it at me purposefully and beaned me, but more like tossed it in my general direction. If the former had happened I would've probably gotten in his face even if he was crazy or whatever, but since it was the latter I honestly could not be bothered with arguing with some crackhead.

I saw a girl once get in an argument with some crazy woman on the train once (coincidentally, it might've been the A train also), and it was weird. I don't know if the girl had issues of her own too. She didn't look like it but looks can be deceiving. My reaction was just, "Why?" I mean what kind of intellectual prowess do you think you're exercising arguing with someone who smells like poop? And do you really hope to win this argument? If anything they probably have a rhetorical leg up on you arguing with all the voices in their head all day. It's like their head is a debate gym and they're Ivan Drago training with high tech debatology machines in the Gym of Batshit Insane all day while you drag a verbal log across the yard once in a while. And yes, Rocky won in the movie, but guess what, your ass isn't Rocky.

This particular crazy woman also won my "most efficient way to scare as many groups of people as possible" award. She kept muttering over and over again to a 10-year-old Hispanic girl with her mom, "Don't worry, child. These white folks aren't going to hurt you today," making sure to glare severely at the 20-something yuppie white couple sitting right across from the little girl and her mom. She'd take a break from muttering that line to go on and on to the girl about how the white people will get her and how she needs to be careful. Especially, it seemed, of the yuppie couple sitting across from her. And no, it wasn't the yuppie girl that got into an argument with this woman.


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