References are fun

I already posted a link to this on Facebook, but had to share it here too:

"This cracked me so hard I had to bite my tongue. It was the best kind of inward guffaw. The kind where the brain just skims over and does a little mental heh, but then the gravity of the reference being made hits you like a ten-ton truck u-turning to make sure it gets you this time since it only sideswiped you the first time around and your brain seizes up and goes "HAHAW, William Carlos Williams." in Sebben's voice."

http://www.marriedtothesea.com/061809/dear-william.gif

On growing older when you've technically be prematurely old for a while

I recently had to sign up as cosigner for my little brother's apartment lease. For those out of the loop, my kid brother started college last year. My parents' had such crap credit that I ended up cosigning those loans as well. So besides my own student loans those are other things on my plate. Not that I'm annoyed by this, I'm glad my brother's going to school period. It's just weird how I've always been this sort of surrogate parent not just for my brother but for myself with a lot of things you'd expect the adult in your life to do.

Most people sort of have a moment where they're all "OMG. I'm paying for my own crap! I'm an adult" kind of moment, but the older I get the more I realize a lot of this "I'm a big kid now" crap is a little too familiar. Let's just say life is a little skewed when you're a 10 year old worried about not having enough money to make rent, let alone aware of such things as rent needing to be paid. Don't get me wrong. It's not like we were ever poor poor, we got by. Nonetheless I blame a lot of my weird hangups about and obsession with amassing money on that.

Writing your own parents' notes to your teacher is kind of embarrassing and pretty annoying. That one month I had to pay my own middle school tuition kind of sucked.

Anyhow, having to fax in that cosigner application this weekend was just another reminder how this shit got old a long time ago. I had no cake, but how about this for a birthday wish: For once, I'd like to totally just let everything go and have someone with their shit together enough that I feel like they can take care of me. Like for once be able to feel like I can gamble and fuck up and I'm not the one taking care of being patient of other people around me. I don't know, I always feel like I'm the one who has to like keep it together and listen to other people's problems, be their shoulder to cry on, put up with their tantrums and issues. Just once, like, I don't know, be allowed to have a little meltdown or something. And not worry about someone else's baggage and have them be like, "It's cool, daddy-o." Or a big one. A full on freak out. Whatever. Breathing into paper bags can be involved if need be. I'm not picky.

Smacked by hubris

So remember I made a minor crack about making shower mac and cheese like Hubert Keller previously? No? Well, anyhow, I shouldn't have spoke so soon because my landlord dismantled the kitchen sink to fix a leak, and like Gilligan's Island, what he presented as a quick 1-hour fix job is slowly turning into a 3-day project. I'm not making pasta with shower water just yet, but let's just say I'm annoyed at having to buy take out because I really don't feel like doing dishes in the bathroom sink again. I've never been so unhappy about having to order pizza. It's...it's just not what I wanted.

Oh, hey, so yea, I guess it's my birthday

I haven't had a birthday party in a long time. Like I'm pretty sure the last time I had one...I was like 12 or 11. Since then I haven't really done anything particularly birthday like. I don't know, my own birthday always kind of weirded me out. I'd forgotten my birthday was coming up until my mom called me yesterday. And then all day today the date would look weird when I'd see it on the computer and stuff and I'd realize, "Oh, yea. That date's my birthday." It's kind of ridiculous.

Twenty-six. Wow. Man, that's kind of scary as fuck. Just this past weekend some kid in my neighborhood tried to run game on me. I looked him up and down wearily (I was dragging my suitcase with me from the subway stop and I was pretty bushed) and just said, "Look, you're obviously too young for me."

His answer? "What do you mean? I'm 20."

Yeeeeea. That just made me feel older. God, 20 feels like just yesterday. I was all socially awkward and totally in love and the world was still had some mystery. And now...wait, you're expecting me to say I'm a cynical dried husk of a person. Actually, no. I KNOW RIGHT? I mean this is both surprising and not considering I'm not really a sunshines and puppies person to begin with. Let's be honest, there's really not much lower I can go with my cynicism and such. And that's good. I mean, I feel kind of grown up. I'm not gonna lie and talk about how I grew into my skin and shit, because, I don't think that's ever happening. Then again, I think I'm over the hysterics and bullshit of a lot of things. Difference between now and then is then I *thought* was over it all.

Now? I don't know. It's just life, man.

Tangent: This reminds me of a conversation I was having with my friend Joe about why I liked zombie movies. I was talking about how I always liked zombie films, not because it turned into this huge fad, but the thing that always scares me the most in horror films is the futility and bleakness of human existence. That's what's scary about life. That's why apocalyptic crap I can get into. When the Fearnet channel (come baaack) still existed on Time Warner Cable, I finally got to watch Hostel. I seriously laughed out loud watching that movie. I could not believe people were making such a bigass damn deal about gore porn when it had come out because it was just laughable. That's not scary. It was silly...anyway, around that time Joe asked me if I liked Haneke and then said that I was a terrible person with no heart (not because of Haneke, but because of the whole bleakness and futility bit). He might have a point.

Anyhow, I've been thinking I should do a bit more now that I'm older. Specifically, gotta be a bit more brave. So I guess I should try some things I've been only thinking about doing for the longest time ever. And I don't mean like my dream trips stuff, I mean like the attainable small stuff. For example, I keep thinking I should help out with the Big Sister/ Big Brothers program or BoostUp. Or on a smaller, more shallow scale, chopping off all my hair in a short, short style. Let's see what we can get done this year. Just this and that.

Oh, so my birthday party. Yea, probably not happening. I mean, I'm thinking maybe I'll plan a viewing party at the old casa of Zatoichi movies. I got an entire box set of a couple of the earlier flicks. Or old horror movies. That's always a favorite. I got a couple, but I've already seen these a couple of times, so if I go with that, I think it'll mean I have to find some other old horror flicks. Or maybe just do a viewing party of Top Chef Masters. I could even make mac and cheese in honor of Hubert Keller who is totally awesome. Though mine won't have prawns like his fancy mac and cheese from the dorm cooking challenge. But I can rinse the pasta in the shower like he did if people want the experience.

More evidence that instant messenger lowers IQ

Me: did I tell you I fed an elephant carrots?
Kelly: OHHH, YES, and he farted on you or something?
Me: no no she splattered snot all over me
because they noses be juicy

I don't know why, but the fact that I typed "they noses be juicy" is cracking me up over here even though I full on know there isn't anything all that funny about it.

Miscellanea update, oh and Terminator wasn't that bad, guys

**Spoiler warning**

Alright, so I need to get back into the habit of updating this scene right here I guess, so let's start off small, slow and easy. So what's been up with me? Not a whole lot I guess. Now living in Queens with an awesome roommate and his awesome cat. Still feeling like I'm just a kid when I see so many people who seem to be "growing up" by having kids and buying houses when I just want to go out to shows and make art or just fucking drop everything and go someplace. Being hit by the recent economic bullshit (though not as much since I was always kind of broke) just like everyone else and finding that even though I feel like wanting to just go out to shows, make art or just fucking drop everything and go someplace, I can't really do that. Then realizing I'd rather eat homemade cheap bean burritos and contemplate how to do things cheap/for free/via "creative appropriation" than worry about how I'm going to buy a house because I now have rugrats that need a yard/good school district/peace and quiet. Figuring that for me ambition isn't about how much stuff I can get, but how many different things I can do before I get too old to do anything. Hooray for Peter Pan syndrome.

I have little enough that I'm not too worried or put out about not having as much as before, but have just enough responsibilities to make it a little annoying, but that's life for you. Recently got my first Mac. First as in, "first that I bought with my own money and own, not the Macs in the labs when I was in school/learning print design." Realized the old machine had only 256MB in RAM. It had a good 5 year run though. Besides, it still has its uses for web work as a Windows machine with IE, so it hasn't been entirely put out to pasture. Went to some museums. FINALLY visited the Newseum. Met artists (my hero)/went to their gallery openings. Felt inspired. Haven't really put the inspiration to action yet. Now wondering if I should've just gone to art school like I actually wanted to. Now wondering if it's too late to do that now. Learned how to float shit in CSS, but just kind of sort of. Now trying to tackle Illustrator. More recently, find myself cursing Bacardi for getting that Matt and Kim song stuck in my head. Nothing wrong with the song, I just find it a little annoying when things like that subconsciously worm their way into your brain. And it's just weird when you hear songs you know in ads. Like when I'd see the previews for Fast and Furious and I'm like, "WTF. Is that Does It Offend You Yeah?" Oh, and probably finally working up enough courage to basically shave half the hair off my head. And just yesterday I felt triumphant after having successfully replicated Panera Bread's Strawberry Poppyseed salad. It's the little things folks.

So now we're caught up with what's going on with me when I found myself in D.C. post work-related event with a couple of hours to kill before taking the 3:15am train back to New York. I didn't particularly feel like crashing at anyone's place because I'd already spent a long weekend in D.C. the weekend prior, upping the punx, by which I mean I looked up a bunch of folks I hadn't seen in a while and thoroughly underestimated how busy I'd be just doing that. I wasn't really too keen on the idea of squeezing in on anyone's weekend plans either, mainly because it was kind of late and I didn't feel like navigating the city with the time I had before getting on the train. Though I have to point out, I guess once you get acquainted with using a subway system, after that all subway systems are pretty damn easy to navigate. Also, its fun to compare and contrast. I'd group the Metro with the Korean subway system and the Tube. Toronto and New York have their own things going on.

I texted some folks to figure out the nearest theater was, preferably within a stop or two, so Chinatown/Gallery Place preferably, and quickly walked into a theater and bought my ticket for the last showing of Terminator: Salvation five minutes into the previews.

I actually liked the movie. I really didn't think the movie was as bad as everyone was saying, though I'm totally on board with the McG distaste. The only thing I didn't really like about the movie was more or less a collection of what I like to call "McG wanking away at the thought of being part of the Terminator legacy." There were just way too many wink-wink, nudge-nudge moment and Easter eggs for people already familiar with the franchise. It was as if McG was in "holy shit, wouldn't this be awesome??" 13 year old mode.

Like say when Kyle Reese, as adorable as Anton Yelchin is, says "Come with me if you want to live," I have expected him to look into the camera and wink. Or when John Connor is heading off to attack Skynet and his wife is all "What do I tell your men when they notice you're gone?" and Christian Bale practically does a dramatic pause before saying, "Tell them...I'll be back." Really? REALLY? Or how John Connor turns on a boombox to lure those motorcycle terminators and it just so HAPPENS to play "You Could Be Mine." Yes, because apparently in a robot apocalypse one of the few songs to survive is the Guns 'n' Roses theme song for a movie based on events that previously happened.

I'm not saying references or paying homage is bad, but there's a thin line between paying homage and creaming your pants over references and your own perceived cleverness. Like cg Arnold was kind of funny and a little neat to see, and I'm not saying the lines were dumb, it was just so pointedly shoved in though that it took me out of the movie a couple of times.

The sad thing is those bits are annoying enough that I don't know if I'd watch the movie again. However, it did it's job, helped me waste some time. I actually liked how bleak it was and its depiction of human survival after Judgment Day. But goddamn it got a bit much at some points.

Wow, weird

I didn't entirely forget that this space exists, but life's just made me a little busier. I've got another blog that's been draining my attention and time to fiddle with my baby here. I feel like I've been two-timing on my first blog. Busy with work. Just got back from being in D.C. for to consecutive weekends, and only returned from St. Louis today. Anyhow, I'm trying to regain a bit of my life back so I'll be putting stuff up here again. I don't know in what capacity, but I'll try to have something happen here again soon.

Food for thought until that happens: Should I go to art school like I always secretly wanted to?